Friendships help reduce stress

One of my closest girlfriends gave me this great card for no particular reason. It had a picture of two young girls walking hand in hand. The inside said, “You’ve saved me a bundle in therapy bills.” And my friend added, “Now we can go shopping!”

That warmed my heart and made me laugh -- the “G” factor, i.e., the girlfriend factor, in action.

What is it about women and her girlfriends?

Why do women need to talk things out, get different opinions, have someone listen? Why do we feel so much better after we go for a walk with a friend?

My husband is my best friend, but my girlfriends add much to my everyday life.

Girlfriends boost your happiness and reduce stress because they increase your sense of belonging and improve your self-worth. Girlfriends decrease your risk of serious mental illness by helping you weather traumas such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one. A good friend will encourage you to change unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise.

Suzanna Mantis (left) with her good friend Mara Stevens. In the effort to understand why girls need their girlfriends, I read some books and articles and found that there is more data on this subject than I imagined.

It is believed that being with friends can counteract that intense ache in the stomach many people deal with on a daily basis due to stress. I have seen this stress response often, over the 30 years of coaching and listening to people in my business, as well as experiencing it myself.

A 2002 article by Gail Berkowitz on a UCLA study, suggested that women’s brain chemicals cause us to maintain friendships with other women.

Before these findings, all the research pointed to the “fight or flee” stress response, because only men were used as their test subjects.

After testing hundreds of female subjects, the study suggests that women have a larger range than just fight or flee, that women instead, “tend and befriend.”

When the hormone oxytocin (a feel-good chemical produced by the pituitary gland) is released as part of stress response in a woman, it buffers the fight or flight response and encourages a woman to tend children and gather with other women instead.

“When she engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect,” Dr. L.C. Klein said.

“This calming response does not occur in men because testosterone, which men produce in high levels when they’re under stress, seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin,” Klein said. “Estrogen seems to enhance it.”

Lucky for women, I say.

Many studies verify over and over that our ties with other people help lower blood pressure, heart rates and even cholesterol.

You can see why it is important for all people to develop strong friendships.

Susanna Mantis is a life coach and owner of Z’s in Stanwood.

Her references include “The Tending Instinct” by Shelley Taylor and “Behaviorial Responses to Stress: Tend and Befriend, Not Fight or Flight,”, S. E. Taylor, L.C., Klein, B. P. Lewis, T. L. Gruenewald, R. A. R Gurung and J. A.Updegraff .