Meditation

Has divorce touched your family?

If you live in America, I have no doubt that your answer is a resounding yes. Statistics show divorce rate is up to 51 percent.

This statistic is true for people, church attenders or not. If you are an adult reader, there is a 51 percent chance that you have been divorced, are going through a divorce, or are seriously considering divorce.

People get divorced for all kinds of reasons. Money, sex, communication, anger, unforgiveness, mistrust, etc.

Relationships are very difficult and marriage relationship can be the hardest of all.

Jesus gives one reason a person would be allowed to get divorced, as found in the Gospels, the clearest teaching in Matthew 19:1-9.

From this passage, divorce is permitted only for the reason of adultery. This does not mean that we must divorce, should divorce or should not divorce. It means that we’re not sinning if we divorce for this one reason. All other reasons, we are.

As a pastor, I have walked with people through the divorce process as well as the forgiveness and restoration process of seeing their marriage become rich and full of life again.

Questions to ask: why do so many relationships deteriorate? Why do so many people fall into the trap of adultery, then wonder how it happened?

Can a relationship become vibrant and full of life again?

Consider this example: Boy meets girl. Incredible attraction, all they desire is to spend time together. With every encounter, significant deposits are made in each emotional bank account i.e. “love bank.”

He is the most loving man ever; she feels secure and cared for. She is so admiring and respectful, he feels like an absolute hero.

As soon as they are married, things begin changing. Signs of annoyance are shared.

He says something unloving; she fires back with a hurtful comment. Both love banks show significant withdrawal.

They purchase new things, mostly on credit. Discussions are about monthly bills, arguments, and the crazy cycle continues.

They decide to have kids, thinking kids will make them feel the love that’s vanished. They have less time for each other. The stress of life becomes an emotional rollercoaster ride, and the love bank eventually bankrupts.

During this process, each has relationships at work, in the community, and even at church.

As the marriage love bank depletes, the outside relationships make deposits. The marriage hangs by a thread.

At this point, many people decide to divorce because they are absolutely miserable and simply cannot cope with the pain and rejection they experience every time they walk through the front door.

Some people stay committed to the marriage but hate their spouse. Others keep trying but wind up with an unhealthy relationship outside marriage, and it is only a matter of time until that turns physical.

Once the adultery happens, the trust is completely gone. Can this cycle be broken? Absolutely !

We must make deposits in the bank of our spouse every day. Send encouraging words, text messages, e-mails.

“I am so glad I married you,” “I still admire you,” “I love you.” Flirt with each other, have great sex.

God made sex and He made it pleasurable. Shame on us if our marriage isn’t full of passionate love!

Professional counseling is much cheaper than divorce. Get into a marriage small group study, read a book together about marriage.

Do whatever it takes.

You do not fall in love. Whoever started saying that needs to stop.

Love is all about giving, not taking.

Feelings of love come when the action of love is acted upon.

Resources to get started include “Love and Respect,” and/or “Financial Peace University.”

You can also talk to any one of the pastors in town.

I pray that your life and marriage is full of joy and happiness. God bless.

– Matt Morgan

Warm Beach Community Church