Gentle cow by day, Ninja cow by night

If you are in law enforcement, black and white usually refers to a patrol car. If you’re in agriculture, black and white refers to the humble six-sided Holstein cow, which we see in abundance around this area. All this week is National Agriculture Week across America, and Sat., March 20, is National Ag Day. Time to remember and thank the individual farmer who feeds 300 million Americans every year.

Wha-at, a six-sided cow?

Of course. A top, two sides, two ends, and a bottom with faucets. And not just Holsteins – there are Jerseys, Guernseys, Herefords, Ayeshires, Dutch Belted, Angus, etc., are all six-sided. Most local folks are familiar with the Holstein because of our numerous dairy farms. If you see cattle laying down, chewing their cud, that means they have plenty to eat and are resting. If they are up and grazing, that means they are filling one of their four stomachs. We drive by and see these placid, contented cows, with gentle soft brown eyes, relaxing in emerald green pastures.

Ha! Don’t let them fool you! They are not mindless creatures - their brains are busy thinking of ways to thwart their farmer friend! Gentle cow by day, Ninja cow by night. Just let a gate be not quite fastened, or a fence sag even the slightest, and our gentle, contented Holstein goes into action that would make most Ninjas get out of the way! Can you imagine a thundering herd of thousand pound cows bearing down on you? They are hell-bent on going any place except where they are, and nothing is going to stop them!

And they wait to pull this off at night, because their escape may go unnoticed for a time in the darkness. I am convinced that every cow with a mostly black hide, knows it. She can easily slip by the farmer in the darkness, while he flails his arms and leaps about, trying to head the herd off. It’s called the “Escaping Cow Dance,” and every dairy farmer knows how to dance it.

Take the night the Ninja cows got out and divided their forces, some into the cornfield and others crossing the road to break into the pasture there. A kindly neighbor came along the road, with the headlights on his pickup shining on the escapees. Hundreds of cow legs flashed by in the headlight beams.

“How many got out?” the neighbor shouted after the thundering herd passed.

“Ninety-two,” replied the exasperated farmer.

“How do you know it was 92?” asked the neighbor.“ I counted their legs and divided by four,” humorously replied the farmer, as he directed his farmhands to round them up, then turned his attention to those in the cornfield.

Running along the rows, the sharp edges of corn leaves hit him in the face, so he held his arms up in front as he ran. He’d stop and listen. If he heard munching, he knew the cows were there, so he kept running, hoping to get ahead of them and turn them back.

Wham! He ran into the solid side of a mostly black cow and landed on his rump. No one would believe him, but he swears he heard a bovine giggle.

Jumping up and forging on, he at last got ahead of them and stopped their midnight boogie. Knowing their flight had been aborted, the Ninja cows turned back into placid, gentle cows as they plodded towards the barn.

So think about what the farmer goes through to get your latté to you, the next time you drive by a herd of Holsteins. Stop and really look into their soft brown eyes. I’ll bet you catch a devious gleam…and a sly grin on those pink cow lips.