The road ahead

Sacia Flowers, 19, smiles at her first morning back on campus at Western Washington University in Bellingham. PHOTOS BY JEREMIAH O As Sacia swings open the heavy wood doors of academia, her story of personal resolve snaps into sharp focus against a backdrop of adversity. Some would call her a phoenix, rising from the ashes of her childhood.

Sacia’s view of herself is less dramatic.

“Life gives you what it gives you,” she stated. “You just do what you do.”

On the morning of Dec. 8, 2003, a man walking his dog near Camano Island State Park discovered the body of Tamara Mattson, a 39-year-old mother of seven.

It was clearly a homicide.

As investigations proceeded, news coverage laid bare the details of Mattson’s life. Many of those details were unflattering.

Sacia walks through the early morning quiet of WWU’s brick square, headed to class. Documents showed authorities wanted Mattson in connection with drug possession and theft. She had been “maliciously molested” as a young woman, her grandmother reported at the time, and she had left a wake of substance abuse and alcoholism.

Mattson had not, by any stretch of the imagination, treated her children to an ideal childhood. The three oldest were placed in foster care early on, while the four remaining kids – Sherie, Sacia, Laci and Levi – groped their way through a maze of situations beyond their understanding.

One night, their mom didn’t come home and Mattson’s kids found themselves swept under the safety of Sharon Chism, an angel, better known as Grandma.

Their mom visited, eventually, sometimes.

Then, she disappeared.

Four years later, everyone found out where “mom” had been, but the family’s fate was anyone’s guess.

Last Wednesday morning, at a bus stop in Mount Vernon, a young woman stands in the 6:30 a.m. dark of the new year, the new decade. She’s waiting for bus 80X to take her to Bellingham. She’s a college student, a sophomore at Western Washington University (WWU), and she believes in the resilience of the human spirit.

Her name is Sacia Flowers.

When her mom’s body was found six years ago Sacia was 13, and she guaranteed herself she would choose a different path for herself, create a different path for her younger siblings, twins Laci and Levi.

“I decided a long time ago what I was going to do with my life,” Sacia said. “Growing up, I saw examples of what happens if you make wrong decisions. I made a promise to myself and my family it wouldn’t happen to me, and I don’t break promises.”

She would not drink, would not party, would not make excuses or feel sorry for herself.

She would be the best person she could, love her family, and pursue her education.

She’s doing all that, and more.

Sacia graduated from Marysville Arts and Technology High School, was accepted to WWU, and began her college education in 2008. During that time, she helped raise the twins, a mother of sorts to siblings four years younger than herself.

She abstained from drinking, dorm parties and what many would consider the “normal” life of a college student. Even living in dorms didn’t settle well.

“I was surrounded by people, but I felt isolated nonetheless,” Sacia said.

The cure for vexing loneliness was clear to Sacia, who describes herself as introverted and family oriented.

Near the end of her first quarter of college, Sacia moved back home.

“When I wasn’t studying, I didn’t know what to do with myself,” she said.

The hours away from study would normally be woven with family; their absence was crushing.

“Some people would say that’s what I needed,” Sacia explained, “but I know I need family and routine. Being around the people I love recharges me for the next day.”

Sacia finished her freshman year commuting to WWU from Marysville, establishing her rhythm of family and routine.

Each morning, she drives to Mount Vernon, where she catches the transit to Bellingham. After a day of classes and homework, she voyages back down the interstate to family.

“The bus ride gives me some specially set-aside study time,” Sacia said.

After homework, time for the people she loves.

Sacia said she’s supported now by a good family, and is definitely blessed.

Still, happiness is sometimes punctured by shards of the past’s unanswered questions and memories of her mother.

Chism, Sacia’s grandmother and Mattson’s mom, said a lack of closure intensifies the loss.

Investigators never discovered who murdered Mattson, or why. Chism questions their diligence.

She said detectives spent five years getting forensic evidence from the coroner’s office, due to some mix-up.

The bottom line, for Chism, is that “they don’t care about my child.”

Sacia faced a similar realization.

“It’s not a matter of not having evidence or leads to pursue,” she said. “It’s a matter of who my mother was. Because my mother was an addict, what people would consider a burden on society, they consider her disposable.”

But Sacia didn’t lose a burden, she lost a mother, and that hurts.

“People say it gets easier over time,” she said. “That’s the misconception I’ve run into the past three years. ‘Just get over it.’ It’s not something you get over.”

The stages of grief, which Sacia learned about in Psychology 101 her freshman year, are not a linear path, she’s decided.

“There are stages of grief, but you go through them the rest of your life – the anger, the re-acceptance,” she said.

Some days you wake up and you’re OK with it all, she continued. Other days the hurt, denial and anger are brand new again.

“The grief never goes away. It becomes tolerable because that’s the way it has to be. I just hang in there and keep on trudging,” she concluded.

September approached and Sacia ramped up for the first quarter of her sophomore year. She was ready to go back.

Life had other plans.

When doctors found an aneurism in Chism’s brain, Sacia knew exactly what to do. She canceled her classes. When Chism went into surgery Oct. 1, Sacia held down the fort, taking care of Chism and the twins, investing her time in her family. Fortunately, Chism recovered quickly and Sacia prepared to return to classes.

“I took the quarter off to take care of my grandma,” Sacia said. “Now she’s on her feet and I’m ready to go back.”

Not going back, she said, wasn’t an option.

“Quitting isn’t something I do well,” she said.

Sacia plans to make up her missing credits this summer, if possible. She doesn’t view the quarter off as a crisis.

“Stuff happens, and it may not be pleasant, but you deal with it,” she said. “I’m still going to finish, one way or another.”

So, on Wednesday morning, bus 80X shuttled Sacia to the first day of her sophomore year. It shuttled her to the certainty of college and the stimulating questions of her future.

This quarter Sacia is taking history and English 202. She’s also a teacher’s assistant for her Psych 101 teacher, who she said “is a thrill to be around.” She might tutor, for credits or cash.

Sacia hasn’t chosen a major yet, but she’s not terribly concerned about it at this point. For now, she’s working her way through general university requirements.

“I’m following my gut,” she said. “Whatever interests me, ‘interests me,’ and that will eventually lead me to a career.”

“I don’t even yet know what I don’t know,” she added.

Sacia stepped off the bus and onto campus in the gray light of dawn. She printed her syllabi in the library’s computer lab and bought a cup of coffee. She sipped it, smiled, and headed outside, striding across the brick square to Bond Hall and her first class of the day.

Staff Reporter Jeremiah O’Hagan: 629-8066 ext. 125 or ohagan@scnews. com.