Bully 101:

Paul Fiqueroa

For veteran police officer Paul Fiqueroa, the issue of bullying is no laughing matter.

After years of working gang-related crimes, Fiqueroa's knowledge of bullying comes from real experiences with teens and violence.

Watching young people throw away their futures and seeing the shattering consequences of teen violence strengthened his resolve to try to curb bullying before it gets out of hand.

"I wanted to help people make better choices and not end up in the back of a patrol car," said Fiqueroa.

Fiqueroa talked openly about bullying during Stanwood Camano Resource Center's community conversation Tuesday night at Stanwood Middle School.

Before you can put a stop to bullying behavior, you first have to understand where it comes from, he said.

"There are reasons why people do things," said Fiqueroa.

Negative feelings about oneself can make a person believe they are "bad" or "undesirable," he said.

"Everyone bullies on occasion," said Fiqueroa. "There are different degrees of it."

Cyber bullying, or using email or text messages to taunt or ridicule someone, has increased in recent years, he said.

Ultimately, whenever a person taunts, manipulates, dominates or uses force to resolve conflict, the person is bullying, said Fiqueroa.

The bully may be reacting to emotional stress or modeling bullying they have seen acted out in front of them, he said.

"The reasons are healthy; the device to get there is the problem," said Fiqueroa.

The way to resolve bullying can be the same for the victim and bully, he said.

"Once you're aware of what it is, you can change it," said Fiqueroa.

According to Fiqueroa, the act of bullying is a misuse of anger.

"Conflict is very rarely about the problem," he said. "It's over a self-esteem haggle."

Choices, both positive and negative, lead to consequences.

"Negative choices tend to lead to unwanted consequences," said Fiqueroa. "We're making choices all the time."

Once people take responsibility for their choices and start making positive choices, the outcome changes, he said.

"Positive choices lead to rewards and goals," said Fiqueroa.

When a person starts down the path of negative choices, it becomes easier to piggyback on those choices with more negative behavior, he said.

"You're not the choice — you're not the behavior," said Fiqueroa. "At any choice point, you can turn it around."

He said the strategy is the same regardless of age.

It begins with a person's response to anger.

"Anger is just energy," he said. "It's all about letting that energy out."

Being aware of negative beliefs about oneself can help prevent negative choices in response to anger, said Fiqueroa.

"Anger is a wound of something that happened," he said.

Taking ownership of your feelings and making rational choices that fit the circumstance can prevent things from getting out of hand, said Fiqueroa.

"It's a total redirect," he said. "You want to get to the feeling and discover what is really wanted."

In the end, the most powerful denominator is compassion, said Fiqueroa.

"You have to look beyond the action and see the root of why the bully is the way they are," he said.

Reporter Rick Wood: 629- 8066 ext. 104 or rwood@scnews. com.